I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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