my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
