Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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