Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
