Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
