Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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