Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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