The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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