Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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