Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
