this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
