you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
