I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
