You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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