it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
