DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
