dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
