if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
only you would photoshop your dick
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
