Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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