Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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