Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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