Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
