Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
