Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
