TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
