Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
