I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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