apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
