grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
