GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
