I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i love accidental penises.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
