You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i think i just lost a toe
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
