I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
