If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
