she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
