cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
