so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
