Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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