Duck Duck Cougar?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
