apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
