idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
