you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
