i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
