remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
