Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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