When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
