You made me cry and you don't even care
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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