I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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