somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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