conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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