Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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