I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
