just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
