bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
